


think on your sins

by endlessnighttimesky



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Guilt, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 14:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5336828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessnighttimesky/pseuds/endlessnighttimesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He kills. He aims, fires, and shoots.</p>
<p>He kills, and he cannot live with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	think on your sins

He kills. He aims, fires, and shoots.

He kills, and he cannot live with it.

 

* * *

 

His hands won’t stop shaking. James will hold them, but it won't help.

He'll forget the wrong things. Dates and places will disappear from his mind, like they were never there at all, but the blood won’t wash away. He will see it, swirling down the shower drain, yet when he goes to bed, it will still be there, soaking the inside of his skull and pouring into his lungs, drowning him. When he wakes up, James will hold him, but it still won't help.

 

* * *

 

James will drive him to the psychiatrist. He will hold his hand in the car, and he will hold it in the waiting room - he will hold it in the office, too, because even when his (fake) name is called, Q will refuse to let go. James won't say anything, but he will intertwine their fingers, and follow Q inside.

Q’s application to have a cyanide capsule fitted will be denied before it's even processed. Mallory will tell James, and that night, James will hold Q in his arms until the sun rises.

In Q’s dreams, James’ breath will smell of almonds.

 

* * *

 

Eventually, James will have to leave. The world will keep turning. Suns will rise and set; moons will cast an eerie glow over London and remind Q of snow. On those nights, he will not sleep. In the morning, the darkness under his eyes will be reflected in James’ face, and Q will feel guilty. He’ll try not to, but he won’t succeed.

When James is gone, the flat will be quiet, and the silence will claw at the inside of Q’s skull like an animal, like something alive, but he will not kill it. He will not kill.

James will find him with bleeding knuckles and empty eyes. He will call him _darling_ , he will say _stop,_ but Q will not hear him. Only when James extends a hand into his field of vision will Q know he’s there – and he will kiss him, chaste and soft, on the lips, and James will smile. He will smile, because this is progress, and when Q settles beside him, head resting on his shoulder, James will kiss his hair.

Before they go to bed, he will bandage Q’s knuckles.

 

* * *

 

James kills. James aims, fires, and shoots.

James kills, and he lives with it.

Q has never felt more envious, nor James more guilty.

 

* * *

 

Some nights, Q will find James' hand in the mess of sheets and blankets, and he will hold it so tight that it hurts them both. Neither of them will speak. Q will cry, but he'll do it silently. James will hold him until he falls asleep.

In the morning, Q will open his eyes, and James will be there. He will look at him, and he will promise. James will do his best to believe him.

 

* * *

 

People will (not) look differently at him. They will (not) stare. They will (not) call him a killer.

Eve will hug him, and tell him how glad she is that he’s back. She will not tell him how much she’s missed him, because she cannot miss someone who never left.

 

* * *

 

Time will pass. Days will turn into weeks. Weeks will turn into months. Q will remember, and he will hold James' hand so tight that it will hurt them both, but he will not break his promise.

One day, he will wake up, and he will not see blood.

James smile will be gorgeous.


End file.
